Why Do People Bully?
Experiencing bullying behaviour can be a very upsetting experience. We may ask ourselves ‘why are they bullying me?’ and ‘what caused them to behave this way?’
There are many reasons why someone may display bullying behaviour:
Media Influences
Think about the amount and type of media you consume on a regular basis – TV, magazines, social media…all of these play a large part in how someone behaves on and offline. Even if you aren’t aware of it yourself, many young people want to ‘fit in’ and are afraid of being seen to be ‘different’. You may have seen popular dance trends on TikTok or the must-have game on a TV advert. All of these things signal behaviours to young people on how to obtain status within their community.
Our Top Tip_
As an Anti-Bullying Ambassador, you could use our online resources to run a session for your peers that examines their screen time and their online identities. Check out our Digital Wellbeing modules and loads of other fun activities on our Resource Centre. If you are worried about your own screen time and the media you consume online, we recommend a ‘digital detox’ – unfollow accounts that make you feel upset, uncomfortable or unhappy and instead follow accounts that make you feel happy, inspired or mindful. You’ll soon notice a big difference in how you feel when you’re online – and offline!
Social Influence/Status
Have you ever noticed how people in school can sometimes behave one way when they’re with their friends and another way when they’re alone? Displaying bullying behaviour can often be seen as a quick way to elevate status amongst peers. By behaving in this way, they believe that it shows to others that they are ‘cool’ or ‘funny’. It’s important to remember that sometimes this behaviour can stem from a lack of social skills, lack of awareness/understanding of the impact of their words/actions or an attempt to hide their own insecurities. For example, ‘If I act like a tough person who bullies others, no one will know that I have low confidence’.
Our Top Tip_
If you experience of see bullying behaviour and feel safe to do so, you could tell the person how the bullying behaviour makes you feel – e.g. ‘I don’t like it when you call me that. I makes me feel upset and I would like you to stop’. They may not be aware of the harm they are causing and, by firmly but calmly telling them how you feel, you have provided an opportunity for them to change their behaviour. If they continue, they may be doing this intentionally and we encourage you to speak to a teacher or another trusted adult.
They Don’t Want to Be Targeted Themselves
By displaying bulling behaviour themselves, some young people believe this will protect them from experiencing it.
Our Top Tip_
In your role as an Anti-Bullying Ambassador, you have the power to change your school culture by improving support for peers. By building your anti-bullying campaign through working with teachers, parents and peers, students will begin to see that bullying behaviour has no place in your school.
A Culture of Bullying Behaviour
When bullying behaviour is seen to be the norm, young people may not question it and instead actively take part. One example we see in a lot of the schools we work with is normalised homophobic language e.g. ‘that’s so gay’. This cause of bullying behaviour can be difficult to address, as it often requires a whole-school culture change. However, it is important to understand and acknowledge when a culture of bullying behaviour happens so that you can address it cohesively.
Our Top Tip_
It can feel overwhelming to try to tackle a culture of bullying behaviour alone – and that’s why we recommend bringing staff and peers along on the journey with you. Check out our Resource Centre for lots of activities you can run as a young person to train your peers and encourage them to reflect on their behaviour. If you witness normalised bullying behaviour – for example ‘that’s so gay’ – and feel safe to do so, challenge them by asking why they are using that term and whether they know that ‘gay’ doesn’t mean ‘rubbish’. You could also work with other Anti-Bullying Ambassadors in your school to create and conduct a survey which asks students where, when and what type of bullying behaviour they see in the school – the results may match your expectations or they may surprise you! This will help you to understand the full extent of the situation and to know where to begin to tackle this behaviour.
Lack of Self-Confidence
It’s important to remember that a young person who displays bullying behaviour may be doing so in order to compensate for a lack of self-confidence or insecurity.
Our Top Tip_
This can be tricky to address alone and it often requires support from your teachers who can work closely with the student who is displaying bullying behaviour to develop their self-confidence. If you suspect this may be the reason for someone displaying bullying behaviour, you could help them to celebrate their skills and what makes them difference – e.g. ‘I heard you mention that you found that test really hard. So did I! Would you like to study together?’
Home/Family Difficulties
A negative and/or dysfunctional home life can sometimes result in a young person displaying bullying behaviour in school as a coping mechanism. Negative behaviour, like violence, that the young person has seen at home may be mirrored when with their peers.
Our Top Tip_
By building a culture of anti-bullying in your school, your peers will understand that bullying behaviour is never acceptable, no matter the reason. You could display helpful posters that signpost peers to organisations who can provide support if they are struggling – for example, The Diana Award Crisis Messenger provides free, 24/7 crisis support across the UK. They can text DA to 85258 and trained volunteers will help them to think about the next steps towards feeling better.
External Pressures
Exams. Peer pressure. Extra-curricular clubs. There are lots of external pressures that can contribute towards someone displaying bullying behaviour. All of these can pile on top of one another and cause someone to act out by displaying bullying behaviour.
Our Top Tip_
Does your school currently offer a ‘drop in’ session during break times for students who are struggling? Or is there a school counsellor/nurse who can support young people’s mental – as well as physical – health? Provide opportunities throughout the school day for students to speak to trusted school staff about whatever is on their mind.
Replicating Behaviour
Some young people may replicate behaviour they have seen or experienced from others. They may have parents/carers or siblings who display bullying behaviour as the norm at home and believe that they too must behave in a similar way. Some young people may not think there is anything ‘wrong’ with their behaviour at all as a result.
Our Top Tip_
You could run a session in school for your peers which defines bullying behaviour – young people may struggle to identify bullying behaviour without a clear definition. The Diana Award defines bullying behaviour as ‘repeated, negative behaviour that is intended to make others feel upset, uncomfortable or unsafe’. Once students understand this, it is then their choice whether to change their behaviour or continue to display bullying behaviour.
Remember that there is no one-size-fits-all to explain why a young person displays bullying behaviour and it can often be a result of a combination of factors. Whatever the reason, as an Anti-Bullying Ambassador, you are in the perfect position to provide opportunities for your peers who display bullying behaviour to acknowledge, address and change their behaviour.
Remember that it’s important not to label young people as ‘bullies’. Instead, at The Diana Award, we focus on ‘bullying behaviour’ because behaviour is something that can be stopped or changed.
Young people who are displaying bullying behaviour may need support to see the impact of their behaviour or support with managing their own feelings.
Further support_
Check out our Resource Centre and free Anti-Bullying Ambassador Programme.
.png)
.png)
